Miscarriage Emotions Following an Unplanned Pregnancy
A miscarriage is a very emotional experience for all women, and if you have suffered such a loss following a pregnancy which was entirely unplanned, then it is likely that you have a few extra emotions to deal with. Most miscarriages bring an emotional impact which lasts far longer than the actual physical issues. There is a necessary grieving process following a miscarriage, and while step one of this process usually involves shock and denial, the woman who was not happy about being pregnant will add guilt to that mix. She may feel the miscarriage is somehow her "fault" because the pregnancy was unplanned or unwanted. She may have even found herself being a tiny bit excited about being pregnant, then when the pregnancy ends can be guilt-ridden because she also had thoughts about not wanting the baby. In other words, the woman who was not trying to get pregnant-or actively trying to avoid it-has the "normal" emotions any woman would have, along with some added ones, making it difficult to reconcile.
"Typical" Emotions Following a Miscarriage
While no two women are the same, most will feel some mixture of disbelief, anger, guilt, depression and can have difficulty concentrating. Many women bond with their baby early on in the pregnancy, and will feel incredibly sad that they will never know this child. They may also experience physical symptoms which can be tied to the emotional, such as insomnia, fatigue, loss of appetite or frequent episodes of uncontrollable crying. Part of this is pure science since hormonal changes which occur following a miscarriage can intensify both the emotional and physical symptoms.
Women who have been trying for a period of time, whether short or long, to conceive may wonder why this is happening to them, while women who were not planning a pregnancy may wonder how and why they became pregnant in the first place. Those who desperately want a baby may have difficulty attending baby showers, listening to others detail their birth experience stories, visiting new babies, and may dread the often thoughtless comments others can make regarding their infertility. Women who were not anticipating having a baby at this time in their life may simply feel guilty in all these situations, feeling as though somehow everyone knows that they lost a baby they never wanted in the first place and that all other mothers or women who want to be mothers are censuring them with their looks.
Reach Out To Trusted Friends and Family Members
Whether your pregnancy was planned or unplanned, it is important that you reach out to those closest to you for understanding, comfort, and support, seeking counseling if you feel you are not healing emotionally in the way you should. Regardless of how you felt about your pregnancy, you should not face the aftermath of a miscarriage alone, and need to allow yourself plenty of time to grieve and feel whatever you are feeling. Confide your deepest feelings with a trusted friend who will neither judge you nor tell you how you should feel, and your healing can begin.
Dealing With Your Emotions
If you fully intend to become a mother at some point in your life-just not right now-then you may have additional emotions you must deal with. The pregnancy and miscarriage may have shaken your sense of control over your world, and you may even feel that you are no longer in control of your own feelings. You may feel a sense of embarrassment, especially if you have friends or family members who are desperately trying to conceive, or may wonder if you will actually be able to get pregnant when you decide to, later in your life. Additionally, women often report that following a miscarriage their relationship with their partner undergoes a subtle, or even not-so-subtle change, one they had not anticipated. Whether this is a good change or a bad one, it is change, nevertheless. In truth, as women, we often tend to make harsh judgments about ourselves, no matter the situation. Whatever the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy and miscarriage, it is time to nurture and take care of ourselves following a miscarriage.
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