What are your thoughts?
9 Replies
Lilac - October 1

Hello beauties! I need your advice. I had placental abruption in the past. Doctors had to remove fetus along with the uterus. We were ttc for 6 years before I’ve got pregnant. We had so much hope that finally we’ll become parents! We’ve lost our baby on 7th month of pregnancy. Also I’ve lost my fertility and there no chance for us to conceive any more. 2 years had already past but we didn’t recover from our loss yet. Is it even possible to forget such pain? We are looking into surrogacy. To be honest, I’m not sure if we can think about it. I feel like I’m betraying my child… My husband says it will help us to keep living and stop our suffering. Maybe he’s right… I deepen myself into search and try not to think about my pain. I hope you’ll help me to clear surrogacy process. I read many comments here. Some of you, chose Europe, some of you chose America. I’m lost and I have no idea which of these variants will suit us. We are from Finland so there is no way for us to have this procedure here. I’m more into USA. Prices for surrogacy are very high there. But I think that’s not without purpose. This fact shows that there is high guarantee of success, am I right? They ask for such high price because they know what to do and how gain good result. We don’t have $150 000 to pay right away. I think we’ll have to take a loan. We have no one to borrow this money. I think this is not so great sacrifice for our goal, right? My husband says it’s better to go to Europe. Prices are much lower and services are the same. But I think if prices are small than possibility of procedure to be successful is small as well. What are your thoughts?

 

bianca77 - October 15

I’m so sorry about your loss. I had 2 MCs on 7th and 8th week. I know exactly how you feel. It’s impossible to forget this. Surrogacy helped to sooth our pain. I don’t regret I choose this option. You don’t betray your baby! Don’t think about this in such way. It’s not your fault you’ve lost your child. There are situations in life we can’t control. You should stop suffering! Your husband has a point here. This procedure and parenting will help you to soothe your pain, believe me. I was confused too. I didn’t know where to go. There are many clinics all over the world. Reviews and prices differ. That’s why it’s hard to choose.

First of all I want to say that high price is not a guarantee of positive result as well as low price is not a guarantee of a failure. Moreover, not a single clinic gives 100% guarantee that the procedure will be successful. Anyway, you should pay attention to rates of successful treatments of clinics you choose. There are many websites with lists of clinics where you can find this info.

Your husband is right about Europe. You should think about your future and future of your kid as well. You’ll have to spend so much money for a baby. It will be really hard for you to pay back debt at the same time. Here on this forum you can find names of all tested clinics and also their prices. You can ask girls everything you need. I’m sure they will help you! I will also be glad to help. Good luck! I hope you’ll find the best option for you.

 

Lilac - October 15

I'm so grateful for your response! Thank you for support. It was really hard for me to turn to this option after our loss. I needed to hear those words, some point of view from the other woman with same story... I hope surrogacy will help us to maintain our lives. Thanks for the tips. I'll definitely use them in my search. You helped a lot to clear surrogacy process for me. It would be really nice if you share more details about your surrogacy! I want to hear about someone else’s experience. I’m sure it will help me with my search.

 

simmyC - October 22

I'm also in search now. I should say this process is not easy at all.

As for USA, healthcare costs an absolute fortune! Just some simple test will set you back $500. You get charged a premium on everything. The sad thing is that even with the high costs you are still living in a health care lottery. I have tons of comparisons with family members receiving the same procedures in different states and one was good, the other appalling. So going to the States will just be more money since you paying full price as to paying a somewhat covered amount by healthcare in Europe.

I'm so sorry for your fertility struggle. Your story is full of pain and despair. I hope you’re on the right way. USA offers probably the highest level of service but the price is also biting. Along with high costs, don’t forget their specific legal regulations. Surrogates are legal mothers of newborns. They have right to keep the baby after delivery if she changes her mind. I think you should go where you both feel comfortable. If you stay in Europe you'll definitely save some money.

Bianca, I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm happy to know surrogacy worked for you. Could you pls share more info? What you consider while looking for a clinic? How to make the right decision where to go?

 

bianca77 - October 22

I was just googling "list of clinics of reproductive medicine and their prices". There are many websites, where you can find not only prices and services, but also rates of successful treatments and reviews of their patients. Very helpful thing I should say. Also after looking through such websites, I was choosing the most suitable clinics and making a list of them. Then I was looking for official websites of those clinics. There is much information which can help you to make a final choice. For example, you can find terms and conditions of contracts there. Also list of services, prices, photos, direct contacts, etc.

We contacted managers of those clinics and asked them questions. It's important to ask everything you want to know about procedure before you go there. Pay attention to their answers. They have to give you clear information to each of your questions.

Costs. USA has the highest price. We didn't have such amount of money. Their costs varies from $100 000 to $150 000. It is prohibitive price for us. Speaking about Greece, their prices are lower. Their costs varies from $60 000 to $80 000. I had great fear of scammers. There are a lot of fake agencies, who have only one aim – to pull out all your money. Everyone should be very careful in their search.

I was in search 24/7 during a couple of months. It was really hard to find a reliable clinic with affordable price. After some discussions with ladies on different forums we went to Europe. The clinic provided us with everything needed, so we felt absolutely comfortable in foreign country. The whole process was under their control. They found surrogate mother for us in 2.5 months. Our son was born in October 2015. We paid approximately $45 000 for everything. Though there were so many people and lines were very long, but I think the result worth it.

 

Lilac - November 26

SimmyC Thank you for your reply! These details made the process much clear for me. I never thought that prices could depend on this. I will look more into European clinics. Now I understand that high prices in USA don't give higher guarantees at all. You are absolutely right comparing the process to a lottery. It will be better to save money and don't take a loan. Thank you for these details! I will think more about options. Now I see it's better to look at services and rates but not at prices. I really appreciate your help! I didn't think I will get so many advices and support here!

 

Lilac - November 26

Bianca77 I'm so grateful for your response! Thank you for support. It was really hard for me to turn to this option after our loss. I needed to hear those words, some point of view from the other woman with same story... I hope surrogacy will help us to maintain our lives. Thanks for the tips. I'll definitely use them in my search. You helped a lot to clear surrogacy process for me. May I ask where did you have surrogacy?

 

bianca77 - November 27

We used clinic in Europe. We didn’t have to pay the whole sum at once. We made 5 payments. Some of them before delivery and some after. We didn't have to find the clinic by ourselves. I'm sure we’d be lost. Especially considering the fact that neither I nor my husband knows the language. We were provided by car which was carrying us wherever we needed. We also had a translator so there were no misunderstandings at all.

 

Lilac - November 27

I've been reading a lot of information about European clinics lately. I'm thinking to go to Russia. The prices are so much lower. Moreover this country is huge! Their level of medicine should be high as well. Do you know anything about their clinics? I hope you'll help me to clarify everything. So I could consider this country as an option.

First of all I need to ask how much did you pay for all those services? Maybe it would be much cheaper if you find car, hire a translator etc. All by yourself I mean. I think clinics may higher price a bit. It's obvious that they find all these so they take more money for their work.

Second of all I want to ask about your surrogate mother. Did you choose surrogate mother by your own? Does the clinic have database of surrogates or smth like that? How can you be sure that all those women are healthy? There are really many cases when surrogate mothers had poor health or pernicious habits. So they lost babies or gave birth to unhealthy children. Where are guarantees that surrogate mother is healthy and she will carry a healthy kid? By the way, did your surro live with you? This way it's easier to control the process. At the same time moving her to foreign country can be problematic and expensive...

I'm really sorry for so many questions. I didn't mean to bother you. I just want to know more about the process. So I could choose where we should go. I really want to be sure in a place where we'll have the procedure. I have great fear of failure... I know I can't predict every single detail and be ready for any inconvenience. At the same time I need to know more to make final decision.

 

bianca77 - November 27

I should say that size of Russia is not an index of qualitative medicine. As high prices in USA are not index of 100% success guarantee. There are many small countries which have medicine which is on very high level. Anyway we didn't go to Russia for one simple reason. The sing is Russian legislation hasn't straight regulations on surrogacy. What I mean is surrogate mother is an actual mother of a child in Russia. So you'll have to go through adoption of a baby. There are small risk that sm can decide to leave a baby because she has all rights to do so. Sure, you can go to court and try to prove that baby is yours. But for that you'll have to do a DNA test. Only mother of a baby can give you permission to do it. As sm is an actual mother of a baby it's almost impossible to get that permission. I hope my explanations are clear. Not only Russia has this law. You should be very careful in picking up the country for surrogacy.

We didn't pay for those services. More precisely, those services were included into our package. As I've mentioned already, we paid approximately €40 000 for everything. We were never asked to pay extra fees.

We didn't choose sm. The thing is her appearance does not solve anything in this procedure. The most important are her health and ability to bear a child. So our doctor chose sm for us. I was sure that our sm is healthy and that doctors checked her before allowing her to participate into the program. The clinic has pretty high success rates. I don't think it would have such rates if they didn't check their surrogate mommies. Moreover there was some info in our contract. Under the terms and conditions of the contract, all sm must go thru medical examinations and psychological diagnostics. Also all sm must have positive experience in childbirth. That is why our sm stayed home during the whole program. I think it would be very hard and stressful for her to live apart from her family for almost a year. Our sm lived with her husband and kids in familiar environment. She felt comfortable and didn't worry about her loved ones. Our program coordinator was informing us about state of our baby and sm at least once per month.

 

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