depleted reserves of eggs in ovaries
4 Replies
DianaW - May 8

I'm 44, I was diagnosed with early climax at 36. My doctor told me that reserves of eggs in ovaries depleted. I met my husband when I was 30. We've been always dreaming about children. This 'news' about my health shocked us. We are in complete perplexity! Adoption is not an option for us. So the only solution is IVF with donor eggs. My husband looks positively on this procedure. And I…I don't know. I understand that this child won't be mine. My husband will be a father, some woman will be a mother and who will I be? Some woman, who gave birth. And what if this child wants to find his real mother? Also we have told nothing to parents of my husband. If his mother gets to know that we want to use donor egg she will kill me! She doesn't like me at all. Each family dinner she asks me 'When will I see my grandchildren?',' Don't you want to become a mother?',' Why don't you want to have children from my son?',' You're getting older, don't you think it's time?' I'm sorry, I know she's my mother in law, but I want to punch her in her face. So donation is my only chance to become a mother and to shut the mouth of my mother in law. But I have so many doubts! Will I love this child? Even if I give him/her birth, will it feel like my own? Recently I saw program on tv about children from donor eggs. One girl was looking for a donor, who donated egg to her mother. I can't even imagine how painful this situation is for mother of this girl! She gave everything to this child. She gave her life to maintain and care about this girl. She considered her like her own daughter. And here is gratitude… Maybe someone can shed light on egg donation? How do you feel about your child after the procedure? Do you have regrets? Thank you for attention)

 

DianaW - May 9

Thank you so much for your response! I'm glad to find someone who I can talk with. It's hard to keep everything inside. Nobody will understand better then somebody with same problem. You're right, I see that my husband don't worry about this procedure. He thinks it's absolutely acceptable solution in our condition. Of course, why should he nervous, it will be his child anyway. And I'm just tearing myself apart with all my doubts and thoughts. But your words gave me hope that my attitude will change. The only thing which matters is my desire to have children. I try to look positive on this situation. I will carry baby by myself, I will give birth by myself. And if you're saying I can request donor who will have same features with me, it's much easier to accept this procedure. Some people adopt children and they love them like their own. I should be grateful this procedure exists after all. I truly hope my doubts will fade away as soon as I feel baby inside of me. May I ask you a couple of questions? Why did you choose exactly this clinic? What was the major factor which convinced you? Was there something you didn't like? Maybe there were some inconveniences? I don't want to find falls, please don't take me wrong! I just want to know all details to be prepared if something goes wrong. I understand that you can't be ready for everything and foresee each event. But still it's nice when you know what to expect. How was the service? How did you communicate with doctors and staff? Neither my husband nor I know Ukrainian. Of course it's not a big deal! We can hire translator. The only thing is he should have some medical education. I'm not sure any interpreter will fit our situation. Sorry for so many questions. I don't want bother you with my problems) Just hope for your help!

 

DianaW - May 9

Everything sounds good! It's nice the clinic found translator and housing for you! I didn't know clinics provide such services. Did you hire taxi by yourself or it's also the clinic's service? I really had no idea how to find all this by myself. It's seems impossible to organize all this without knowing language. I understand these services are not for free. The clinic counted each detail so foreign patients will be in absolute comfort in another country. How much did this services cost? And how much did you pay for the procedure? Did you pay all sum at once? I'm a little bit afraid to give all money right away. You never know what will happen tomorrow. Was there some additional fees? I've read some clinics start to pull more money after signing a contract. And what can we do in such situation? We pay, because process has started already. And when you think about termination of contract, you remember how hard it was to find clinic, how much efforts were made. So the only way is to pay and wait till it will be over. I'm glad to know they have modern equipment! I had some concerns about it. Usually when you watch movies, where they show Russia or Ukraine, you see old buildings and grey environment) Also I'm interested how much attempts of ivf did you have? And which one was successful? Sorry if it's personal, you may not answer) How do they choose egg donors? How can you be sure they are healthy? Did you choose donor by yourself? I watch some videos about unhealthy egg donors. Some clinics don't make tests so baby may be born with genetic diseases. This scared me to death! I don't want my child suffer physically and mentally from bullying and reproaches.

 

DianaW - May 9

Thank you for all these details. I'm surprised that they repay if procedure fails. Their donors are so young! It's nice they check not only donors' health, but also their relatives. I like the opportunity to give the clinic characteristics, so the child will look like me. I think it will help me not to think about de in future. And no one will tell me that my child looks differently from me. I was scared that that it will be obvious that baby is not mine. And everyone would start judging or feel pity for me. The last is the worst. I just want to live normal life. I want to have my family. I want my husband to be happy. And the most important I want to hear my child calls me 'mommy'. That's all I need! I think it's not that much…I want to ask you just a couple more things) I hope you don't mind) How much time did you visit the clinic? And what was with transportation and housing? I mean the clinic provides all these services during first visit. But what with other times? What about medical tests and ultrasounds? Did you have to do them each time in biotexcom? And finally my last question) I hope I don't bore you too much) I need to clarify one issue which concerns me the most. Is it safe to go to Ukraine at this moment? We all know about their war. I’ve seen so many horrible videos in the internet. Innocent people die there. Whole cities turn into ruins… There are so many homeless and poor people, who became so because of this war. Maybe it’s better to set aside our visit? I really don’t know what to do. I’ve read some comments. Somebody says it’s safe, but another say it’s so dangerous there and tell some terrifying stories. I don’t know who I should listen to. So I put all my hope on you! Thank you so much for your patience!

 

DianaW - May 9

I appreciate your help! I don't know what would've I done without all this info. It's the first time I talked about my problems. I closed my feelings and emotions inside. This didn't let me to live. I'm glad I opened my soul. Now I feel I can move on. You gave me hope that this time everything will be fine. Although I have some doubts but still I'm inspired now. I'm very grateful for your support and advices!

 

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